Confessions of a gymnerd

http://www.topnews.in/sports/files/images/Nastia-Liukin2.jpg

I'll be the first to admit that I can be a little nerdy.

I know my timestables like no one's business (actually, that's not that special, because I guess everyone pretty much knows their timestables by the time they're 25, but it's still pretty nerdy, hey?). Also, I'm a stickler for grammar and Man from Mars cops sh*t everytime he says something weird like, "I think I'm really opened" (he means open) or spells itinerary, itinery. But most of all, most of all I'm a nerd when it comes to anything gymnastics related.

A trip down memory lane uncovers the origins of my inner gymnastics nerd:

1. In year 3, Jess and Deb founded The Handstand Committee. As self appointed presidents, they herded together a group of 7 avid handstanders (including none other than yours truly), and the formidable Committee was formed. Our "meetings" comprised of performing "layered" handstands against the brick wall, taking turns on who would be the "bottom layer", who would be in the middle, and who would be the outermost layer. Invariably, the lass with the longest legs was appointed the final handstander to launch themselves into the wall with 6 other girls already handstanded against it- back curved at almost 90 degrees, those long long legs would miraculously find the wall, and the choreographed routine would be complete.
   
2. My obsession for handstands led to an obsession to achieve the perfect splits. I practised for hours, wearing socks to make the slidedown smoother. I never got further than 120 degrees.


3. Mum enrolled me into classes because I was that obsessed. What I lacked in skill, I made up for in enthusiasm, and my moment of crowning glory came when I got the "encouragement award" after four years of classes.


4. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be very good, even though my coaches said "she has amazing upper body strength", and decided to keep it as my own nerdy hobby.


5. Man from Mars subscribed me to "International Gymnast" this year. I read it cover to cover, word for word and analyse photos and scores. It's published in the US and costs a fortune in freight. But given that Man from Mars is a plane-nerd himself, he understands where I'm coming from.


6. My favourite websites are http://www.ozgymnastics.blogspot.com/ and gymnastike.org and The GymBlog.

Anyway, so there's the end of that confession.

My favourite international gymnast is Nastia Liukin (that's her in the photo). She won gold in the all around in Beijing and is returning to competition at the US Nationals in Dallas. She's 19 and that's ancient in gymnastics speak. But she's got spunk, sparkle and is beautiful to watch, so get ready for action because there's some serious gymnastics goss going down.

Also causing murmurs of excitement is the fact that the Pacific Rim competition will be held in Melbourne next year! Man from Mars is urging me to volunteer. I really want to. Perhaps I will.

Maybe I'll even get an autograph!! !!! !!!!

God, what a nerdface.

It's so smoky in here...

http://lh3.ggpht.com/_SPvGjrqqggg/R4iy56zPIgI/AAAAAAAAAnM/wSf2rlVkbF0/DSC_0093.JPG

Whoops, it's not smoke, it's just my dirty glasses.

Why are my glasses always so dirty?????

PS They're not my actual glasses, but my glasses are actually as dirty as those ones.

Are we there yet?

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On Sunday, when the clock ticks past midday, I get depressed, fall into major denial and panic about how I should best use the last 12 hours of the weekend.

On Monday, I sit on the train and watch everyone yawn, frown disinterestedly and shuffle up the train aisle as the train gets fuller and fuller.

On Tuesday, I consider that Monday actually went pretty fast and it's almost the middle of the week.

On Wednesday I feel optimistic, because it almost definitely is the middle of the week, and the outlook always gets better once halfway's successfully passed.

On Thursday, I'm almost excited. The end of the week is fast approaching, and late night shopping will only make it come faster.

On Friday, I'm joyful, exuberant and irrepressible, hyperactive and silly.

On Saturday, I'm busy, shopping, eating, sleeping, lazy, lounging, laughing, walking, full of food.

Ho-hum.

Forgive me for being rude, but I was just being honest...

http://www.absolutepopart.com/catalog/Amazingly.jpg

Ordinarily, I'm really good at keeping myself in check and being tactful and "nice". Like, I'm not one of those people who is constantly opinionated, blunt and borderline offensive. When it comes to views on politics and world current affairs, I find I don't really have one because, even though I open each work day with a lazy skim of smh.com.au, I feel like I'm not knowledgeable enough about about every aspect of whatever it is that everyone's discussing, to assert my own views in a particularly persuasive way. (Yeah, I know, it's because I lazily skim and not vociferously absorb like other current affairs addicts, but whatever).

When it comes to telling my friends what I think about their boyfriends, I'm pretty diplomatic. If I despise them, I'll say "they're not optimum"; if they're acceptable with some bad boy blood in them, then I advise them to "make sure they don't go back to their bad boy roots, okay??"; if my friend's too besotted to see the truth, then I just tell them that "he seems nice, but he might not be as nice as he seems. I think I have to meet him for real, to tell you what I think!"

You get the picture.

Anyway, on Friday, things took a sudden turn for the worst and for some reason or another, I honestly could not give enough of a sh*t to keep it nice. The events panned out like this:

1. Met up with one of my closest friends for dumplings two weeks ago. She announced that she would be going to Canberra this weekend and emphatically stated that she would be catching the 6pm bus. I indicated that I wasn't a big fan of going to Canberra this weekend because Man from Mars had advised me of a "work lunch to welcome me to the team" which would invariably take up all of Saturday and involve much awkward chatter, handshaking and painful boredom.
   
2. I subsequently decided, okay, well if she's going, at least the bus ride down will be fun and since I've got nothing better to do, I may as well go.
   
3. I email her and let her know that I'm booked and practically boarded. Cue: lots of exclamation marks and excitement adjectives from my end.
   
4. She subsequently emails me to advise me that a work deadline a week and a half away may mean that she won't be able to go. But if she goes, she will catch the 7:30 pm, and do I wish to catch that one with her, and eat food beforehand?
   
5. I curtly reply that my tickets are discount, nonrefundable.
   
6. In my mind, I think, how is catching the 6pm bus very different from catching the 7:30 pm with a bite to eat added on. I mean, that means, you would be leaving work at about 6:30 pm to grab food at 7 pm to get on the bus by 7:30 pm. So, you would be leaving an hour later than if you were catching the 6pm, and given that it's such an urgent deadline, wouldn't you either need to leave much much later, or forgo the trip altogether? Plus, I've already told you I've booked, and I only went because I thought you'd be on my bus, and now, it's suddenly supposedly all changed because of this allegedly v.v. important and pressing work thing.

Well by gosh, I didn't buy that and I was supremely peeved, but didn't say anything.

Thursday comes along and I ask her half heartedly whether her deadline is looming and if she can go.

She says she can and that she's coming with me, "but I'm pretty sick".

Blame it on the swine flu, but I baulk at the prospect of having to sit next to her for the 3 hour ride, particularly, as I've caught a cold from her in the past.

My tact deserts me and I declare:

"If you're sick, then I might not sit too close. Hope you're not offended babe!!!"

Jeepers, did I just say what I think I said??!!!!!

To which she replies with an ambiguous, but arguably good humoured:

"Ha ha whatevs!"

We've been friends for 6 years, and she's never really been subjected to brutal honesty from me before.

Anyway, the next day she emails me and says:

"I'm going to try and change my ride to the 5pm one, and try get to Berra earlier, since I won't be sitting with you anyway! Cough all over other people! Ha ha"

5 pm??!! What happened to the urgent deadline??

And so, badly irritated once more, I tell her how it is:

"I'll be honest, I wouldn't mind being coughed over if I didn't feel like I was being stuffed around".

Cue: detailed description of how her timing suggestions didn't correspond to the pressures of work and that if it were me, I wouldn't even being going to Berra, if work was so pressing.

We exchanged a number of terse emails, and she declares that:

"You don't think I wasn't upset when you said that you didn't want to sit next to me? How can I not be upset when my friend doesn't want to sit with me when I'm sick"

As always in times of heated argument, I go all literary and turn into a semantic smart-arse:

"It's not that I don't want to sit with you per se. It's just that I don't to sit with you when you're sick."

Cue: Further emails expressing taking offence and further responses describing it from what it looked like from my end.

All is on the verge of going to the sh*t, when I decide enough's enough:

"Well, as one of my closest friends, I was only being honest with you, because I don't feel like I need to censor everything I say to you. But if you want me to creep around only saying the things you want to hear, well I can do that too."

She pulls her reins in and quickly recognises the attempt at truce and states magnanimously:

"Okay, well it's cool you told me you got mad, because we were both obviously pissed. Okay, I'm not mad now. See you on the bus!"

And so all's well that ends well and we caught the 6pm to Canberra with me straining into the aisle every time she sneezed, but proud of myself that I'd said what I felt like saying whilst successfully only being mildly offensive.

Maybe it's one of those things that happens when you get older... You don't really care what other people think of you, because even if they don't agree, they'll live, and you'll be fine too...

My life abridged...

http://www.jeromemueller.ch/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/slide_bullet_points.jpg

When I worked in a law firm, it was all about concise concise conciseness! Succinct, please! 1 page max! MAX!

So then everyone became really good at dot points and saying things in apparently "laymen" terms... Or plain language (which in itself is a really misleading term, because if I was a layman I'd just think it meant that the English language was sh*t boring, let's listen to music and watch movies instead everybody! I hereby give you permission to roll over and have a siesta!)

Anyway, plain laymen aside, what the partners didn't realise is that layman for one man isn't layman for another, because let's be honest- it's all relative, right?

I'm not pro-conciseness and 1 page max-ness, in fact, I quite like telling stories the long way around and pausing numerous times for dramatic effect. But today, more for the sake of speed and laziness, here's one of my world famous lists:

1. Work: Good, getting the hang of everything, busy but pretty happy. I like everyone at work and we all get along like awesome companions. No office politics, can you believe???


2. Speaking of work, my boss thought it would be a great idea to engage the services of a masseuse for all staff, once a month. The first of these sessions was today and we all had 15 minutes of blissful cramp dissolving massage by a skilful masseuse master not by the name of Sven ("Hullo!"), but Ross.


3. Family: Weird- Mum's well and truly golf crazy and is a little menopausal, Dad is fine and is steadily teaching mum new golf tricks, Sister is marching to her own beat, doing her own thing...


4. Food: Discovered an awesome dumpling place in World Square which is just across the road. So so SO good.


5. Man from Mars: Bored at his new job, but consoles himself with the paycheck. Plus, it's only week 2 so it's early days yet. He has a lovely boss and flex (FLEX!!!) so it's all good. House-wise, his housemate is a chatterbox, albeit a good natured and well-intentioned chatterbox. But consensus rules that she talks rather a lot, sometimes too much. Still, it could be worse; she could be a complete loony who talks too much...


6. Hair: Growing long again! Should I cut it short again, or leave it to grow out?????


7. Best new find: Girlfriend at work introduced me to an amazing concealer called "Dermablend" sold at Soul Patterson opposite Strand Arcade in Pitt Street. Say buhbye to raging volcanic pimples when the crimson tide strikes!


8. Travel: Off to the Berra again this weekend. I got Babel for the drive. Might be a bit heavy, but whatever, it got a Golden Globe and has Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt in it and that gives it street cred.

In retrospect, bullet points can be long winded too, hey? Who says they're the only way to a concise read?