Hey M-biscuit, what's been going down?

This is how one of my mates insists on opening his emails to me, and this is how I'm going to insist on opening this post because, given that it's been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote, I figure it's an apt way to start. So what's been going down? Here are my top 10 highlights:

1. I've been inspired by Masterchef and have appointed myself the family baker. So far, I have mastered: boring scones, date and lemon scones (http://www.masterchef.com.au/date-and-lemon-scones.htm), banana bread and frosted cupcakes.
2. I watched all of Degrassi High while I was looking for a job and have since discovered (and purchased) the full series of Degrassi Junior High- 2400 minutes of teen drama-filled, nostalgic viewing pleasure.
3. My mum has taken up golf after being hobby-less (in the sporting sense, that is-- she's always had an affinity for the karoake machine, but that's genetic; her entire family is a bunch of crooning hoons) for the past 5 decades
4. My dad is overjoyed by my mum's new found love for golf, after having tried to coax her to give it ago, for the past 30 years
5. My sister continues to excel as the family's Masterchef and has cooked us a full Indian Banquet, crisy skinned Salmon with roasted vegetables and various other super complex dishes that go beyond tricky
6. I like the people at my work- my supervisor is a little intimidating, only because she is super smart and opinionated and I'm not really like that when I'm at work (but am always like that when embroiled in pointless debates with Man from Mars)
7. I've discovered a store called Sugarfix which sells these chewy lollies called Maoams that I used to gulp down by the dozen in my Year 3 days... until they stopped selling them at the Canteen. I was mournful for days afterwards. Now I've discovered my inner-zing! once more.
8. I bought Lily Allen's new album and every song makes me laugh.
9. I um-ed and ah-ed for a week before finally taking the plunge and chopping off all my hair. My hair went from long and wavy to short and short on 20 June 2009. It was exciting and cathartic and for the first day every time I talked to anyone at work all I could see was them looking at my hair. The responses ranged from "It makes you look younger" to "It makes you look older" to "It doesn't make you look older or younger, it makes you look more mature"... go figure.
10. Tanja Jelevic is making my body fierce! Her workouts are short, snappy and the music makes me want to "just try, and keep on trying!" Everyone should do it: http://www.amazon.com/Total-Cardio-Toning-Tanja-Djelevic/dp/B000SM6FJA

My mate insists on signing off his emails with: "I gotta go take a runny sh*t". I would follow his lead, except at this point in time I don't need to take one. Ciao amigos.

Oink the swine flu outta here!

http://blog.tmcnet.com/blog/rich-tehrani/uploads/swine-flu.jpg

I just cancelled my flights to Melbourne for the upcoming Queen's Birthday long weekend because of swine flu. "It's the same as the regular flu!" naysayers told me. "It's the wimpiest flu strain ever!", a work colleague reassured me.

Unfortunately, I'm fearful nonetheless- of exactly what, I'm not entirely sure... it's all in the name, I know: "Swine flu". If it was banana flu or chocolate sundae flu we'd all be screaming "Bring it on!"- after all, chocolate sundae in the system would only lead to days filled with gooey chocolatey pleasure. Just like the Cadbury ad.







www.flickr.com/photos/jamescaws/3284343380/

But I digress.

Ultimately, I'm bitter because this blasted flu, or yes, I confess, my own unwillingness to face this germy nuisance head on, has ruined what would have otherwise been a marvellous Melbourne interlude . Man from Mars organised tickets to the theatre. And I say theatre in italics because going to the theatre is such a rare thing in the life and times of me, and I was truly excited for it. When will I ever be going to the theatre in the near future?

Ah well. I'll get over it. For now, I'll keep glaring with all my might at all those people who continue to liberally sneeze and cough all over me and everyone else. I have only one thing say to them:

(Actually, before I let loose on what I have to say to them, I add this disclaimer: some may argue that the use of this phrase is somewhat out of context, given that it's commonly used when couples are ensconced in public displays of affection, and swine flu hardly conjures up images of "share the love!" and passionate embrace. But nonetheless):

"GET A ROOOM!"

That's right. Quarantine yourself until you can't quarantine yourself no more.