"Your 20's are your golden years"....

http://www.kartoen.be/cartoons/happysad/nostalgia.gif

So my mum keeps saying.

But I think that to declare hands down, that your 20's are unequivocally the best years of your life is a huge call to make.

Take myself for instance. I am:

- 24, fast approaching 25;
- Have finished my law degree;
- Spent my whole degree wondering why the hell I was doing that degree;
- Decided to jump on the bandwagon and “just do what everyone else is doing”;
- Attempted to do what everyone else was doing (i.e. applying for summer clerkships, winter clerkships and anything else than started or ended with the words “ships”, “seasonal” and “vacation”);
- Failed dismally in acquiring one of these lucrative “gateway to your career!” positions;
- Decided that the bandwagon was try-hard anyway, and went to Canada for 6 months;
- Came back and was faced with the exact same dilemma I had left behind- namely, WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?
- Decided that the easiest thing to do would be to jump back on the bandwagon;
- Succeeded in acquiring aforementioned “gateway to your career positions;”
- Have just completed a year long traineeship at a law firm in the city where everything and
everyone is driven by money, billable hours and ridiculous, extravagant lifestyles;
- Subsequently got made redundant. (Initial reaction: “F*ck!!”, 2 days later: “Ah well I didn’t like them all that much anyway.”)

And this is where I’m at.

The last few weeks have been confusing, depressing and demoralising to say the least. Blame it on the GFC, but my outlook has been anything but "golden". Sure, my early 20’s were awesome. Besides the usual "*insert tirade of expletives* I am going to die, my brain is not geared to cram an entire course of full of boring, stupid sh*t in 8 hours” that accompanied my lazy uni days, life comprised of my mates, a little money, a part time job which I loved solely for the people who I worked with, and multiple trips to the Lansdown for $5 steak and mash. I never thought beyond the next two weeks and was as excited for Mondays to come as I was over the moon for Saturday nights to begin.

Then suddenly, it became all about Career. And Money. And Marriage. And a House. And Work. And a Safe Job. And a Boring Job. And a Huge Income that no one without kids or a family to support, really needs.

No one dares to admit that their job is as dissatisfying as buyer's regret, because with all this money, who needs happiness? Companies spout off about work-life balance knowing that it’s a promise that can’t be kept- Free gym membership! But who has time to go to the gym?

Either way this is my point. I feel like so much is riding on what I choose to do next, because I want to do something that will make me excited about life in general. But how do I start to find this job that will give me the Elusive Trifecta: Satisfaction, Enough Money and Enjoyment?

“Just do what your passionate about!” is what everyone says. Is it just me, or is this catchcry enormously unconstructive, cliché and irritating? I mean, how passionate is passion? In my mind, passionate means fanatical, living, breathing and going to die without it. I have interests, sure- but they’re hobbies. Photography, writing, watching gymnastics. But I’m neither confident enough nor qualified in any of those areas to make a career out of them.

“So go study some more!” is the next line that inevitably follows. Study what????? Study more after 6 years of studying……..

I could. If I really really wanted to. But what do I want to study? Part of the problem is the fact that my brain has been conditioned to think that I would work in the legal industry and that industry alone. The fact that the degree took so long to get doesn’t help things and given that I’ve always been one to ignore the prospect that I might possibly not even like working in “one of those premier law firms” (“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it”, I always said) means that it’s a scary prospect to consider anything that is so different to what I once contemplated. That and my parents are traditional Asian parents who thrive on the knowledge that a law degree is strapped under their daughter’s belt.

So ultimately, it all boils down to me being a wuss and not wanting to stray from what’s expected of me. But whoever said change was easy? Everyone keeps telling me that now is the time for change. That I should embrace this period of unemployment to reassess my life. But this doesn’t make me feel any more confident that I will find my “calling” or how it is I fit in the whole scheme of this complicated world we live in.

Talk about Angst on Legs.