Relationships go awry for any number of different reasons. The love disappears, flaws sprout from your partner's ears, nose, eyeballs and mouth and the conversation, chemistry and connection all but disappears as the angry cloud of swearwords, insults, anger and despair makes its toxic presence known. You're left wondering whether you just imagined all the good stuff; that this bloody irritating oaf of a person must have always been lurking there, except somehow you were blindsighted by skewed romantic ideals, notions of domestic bliss and the idea of being matched with someone from here to eternity.
Identifying the exact point at which it "all started to go wrong" is often impossible- it creeps up on us; we avoid it; pretend everything is fine; talk about the weather; chat aimlessly about work, friends and other people's business. Anything to distract from the problem that remains.
Man from Mars and I have been together for the better part of three years. Having met in the most unlikely of circumstances and fumbled through the inconvenience and at times, false reality of a long distance relationship, there have undoubtedly been moments where both of us have questioned the "rightness" of our relationship. Nothing confuses me more than hearing lovebirds harp on about the fact that "you just know" when you've met your perfect match.
How exactly do you "just know?" After all, you can't judge a book by its cover, so why a person? How can anyone be in a position to declare that someone is 200% right for them, without so much as having exchanged a couple of laughs, a handful of meals and no more than 1o minutes of conversation with each other. Exaggeration? I think not. One of my friends has declared that all it took was "a look, and from that moment on, I just knew". Another recites the need for her to have been in a truly out of this world sh*t relationship, before wisdom dawned upon her and directed her to her soulmate.
If only it were that easy for all of us.
In the end, I think that what it all comes down to, is mathematics:
- x+y = tango
- x+ y = awesome tango x 10,000 = 10,000 awesome tango
- x+y = hair raising hell tango + misery guts
In other words, you'll always be the same two people, but whatever each of you decide to put into the groundhog drudgery that can be, The Relationship, is what you'll get out of it.
Like my logic? I do. But, before I get too smug, I add this disclaimer: Logic, models and equations although appealing in their straighforward application, will always hold the loopholes that come with failing to account for variables present in the real world. In this case, let's not forget the reality that men are of an entirely different species to females, so some things will always stand beyond the realms the comprehension.
Also, I confess that I didn't actually figure all of this out on my own. I'm not that smart. A few insightful conversations with some truly wise owls parted the clouds and prompted this post- So thanks to you wise owls, my equations wouldn't be what they are, if it weren't for your impressive wisdom.
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