What happens in the Ladies' stays in the Ladies'...

Men often wonder what girls get up to when they flock to the Ladies' Loo.

If only they knew.

Today, a girlfriend (who shall remain nameless) and I wandered to the bathroom and she commented on the way I was trotting ahead of her- hurrying forward, talking over my shoulder, in short, choppy snippets. Meanwhile, she was managing to keep up, without breaking her languid stroll:

Dude, dude, I'm not even running and I'm keeping up with you.

I explained that it didn't matter, I was still going marginally faster than her. I then reiterated that although it may not seem like it, my legs could step up a gear, when the situation called for it:

Me: Once, my sister and I were walking to the station and we came upon a dead animal, but it wasn't really obvious, it was hidden amongst shadows-- and I only realised what it was when I was almost upon it. You don't understand - I ran so fast, I never even knew I could run like that. Meanwhile, I left my sister behind and after she caught up with me she was like: "Now I know how you'd be if we were both in danger: you'd just run for the hills and leave me behind!"

[By this stage, we were in the ladies' and entering the stalls. We shut our respective toilet doors and, like most girls, continued the conversation]

Nameless Girlfriend: Omg, the only time I ever recognised how fast I can run was when we were in Melbourne and I thought this guy was following us. He was almost floating, he was going so fast. And so I was with my girlfriend and I started sprinting and accidentally left her behind. So I was like "Babe, RUN!" and I freaking sprinted in stiletto heels.

I could picture Nameless Girlfriend demanding Babe to RUN and her description of the scary man was so funny that we both started laughing like the "gaggle" that you see on those ads for Tena pads. It affected our ability to carry on our business in our respective stalls and Nameless Girlfriend gasped:

Omg, I've stopped midflow (more gaggle laughter, followed by a pause. Then what could only be a pause for concentration- then a resumption of business. The stop-start made us laugh even harder-- it got to the point where we weren't laughing out loud anymore- only silent laughter punctuated by squeaks).

Nameless Girlfriend (wheezing): Omg I have to stop laughing, I'm scared that I'm gonna fart!

That set us off again and we laughed, and laughed and laughed. Eventually, we emerged from our stalls. Her eye make-up was officially smudged for maximum panda effect. My face was red and splotchy and I told her that I was laughing so hard and I was so doubled over as I sat on the loo, that my face was *that* close to the floor.

Could it have been funnier? It was possibly the most memorable bathroom trip of my 26 years.

And yes, to all you boys out there? You should be jealous. Because that's what goes down in the Ladies' Loo.